The loss of my brother has caused me to feel so incredibly sad lately... I suppose it may be from searching through the photo albums, trying to find photos of another family member for other reasons; who knows what causes these blue devils to come out of hiding and try to destroy my normal happy frame of mind. I am not one prone to depression or moodiness, and in fact I will not allow it in my house. The majority of the time, I can snap myself right out of even the idea of feeling "the blues"; but all of last week I would be lying if I said I wasn't feeling sad/or down in the dumps those days. The one thing that had kept me going all week was working hard and also the idea of spending time with Anna. What is it about babies and children that snap a person right out of the doldrums? I don't know why, but I just kept thinking of how she made me smile after the funeral and that I could hardly wait to hold her again after this long week of pushing these dark, unhappy feelings away. It was what I was so looking forward to. But, as things go; it turned out that I couldn't see her this weekend. So I will press on - pick my chin off of the floor - and stop looking to people to help me feel better. The Word of God says, "FOR YOU ALONE, OH LORD ARE THE SOURCE OF MY STRENGTH, THE HELP OF MY COUNTENANCE". It also says, "YOU ARE THE GLORY AND THE LIFTER OF MY HEAD...I CRIED UNTO YOU AND YOU HEARD ME FROM YOUR HOLY HILL". I love the Psalms to get me through the sad days and disappointments of life. I love the Lord who hears me when I am hurting. So, I lift up mine eyes unto the hills from when cometh my help...
3 comments:
I think what your feeling is very normal, I know my mom has felt the same, you loved your brother very much and you will miss him, hopefully you can think of all the good times and memories through the years and that will bring you comfort.
We love you Auntie!!!!
Marie, I am sad too and while that is normal, children are such a sign of new life and love moving on. My sad week was blessed with loving comments ironically expressed through my granddaughters - Anna is your new life amidst the reality of another life passed on. The Scriptures you quoted are right on and very encouraging, God will bring about someone earthly to let you hug your sadness away. I know this will happen. Jim was so distant from us, I mourn the loss of another chance to reconnect with him. That is a lot of what I mourn about Jim. We lost not only a brother but the chance to renew our fellowship with him. It was soooo close, he came to the reunions, it smelled like rain so I anticipated rain. Only before it rain, he and the hope of renewed relationship left with him -- leaving an arid and dry area of lost hope. My tears don't replace the rain I had hoped would fall. It's just not the same. Two thoughts interweaving as one. Yes, we miss him for many reasons, but yes, God will bring about some kind of comfort, earthly comfort to help us get through this, not only in the spiritual but in the physical too. Watch for that opportunity to occur and soon! Anna
or somewhere else.
Enduring love and understanding, Your twin, Marcia
I'm sorry you weren't able to spend time with Anna over the weekend. We are still getting our bearings back after such a whirlwind Christmas with so many family gatherings, funeral gatherins, and having too much company while Tim's friend was here. With my masters program classes starting up again I knew I wouldn't get to see as much of Anna this week as I want and I felt like I didn't see as much of her over my Christmas break as I had hoped. So I wanted some "just us" time over the weekend. I'm glad you got to spend time with her Monday evening and you know she loves her Nana and the warm baths, big hugs, and loads of kisses and love. And you know I love you very much too.
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